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Life Is Cruel

What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are.

What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him.

What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson, a wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome off a flag pole.

What men get: Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extra pounds the moment after she says "I Do," beginning with the wedding cake!